you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
pray to the hookup gods
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
