yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
