tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
