omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
