you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
