My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
too bad you live with your parents still
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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