trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
