Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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