remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
