He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
