1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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