Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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