What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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