Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
