Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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