This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
