roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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