i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
