There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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