he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
