i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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