Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
