I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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