I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
