Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Of course I have a pirate flag
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
