You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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