Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
