Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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