yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
