At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
