I hope mine doesn't look like that
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
