U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
