Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we're making bets on your personal life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
