I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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