so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
