I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
