Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
