She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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