I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
