im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
