He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
