I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
