Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
