you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
