They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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