remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
