Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
