wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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