this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
