im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
