halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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